CAREFREE

No one cares as much as you do.

 

Whether it's about my makeup, hair or outfit, the Boy never fails to point this out - especially when my prep time exceeds 5 (hear 2) minutes. Whereas I am partial to making a fuss, he on the other hand, is a strong proponent of the care free attitude. 

 

A gentle reminder not to get caught up in my own insecurities, the frequency with which this comes up really serves to show how hard I find it to not care about what people think.

 

Why is it that not caring makes us feel like we are being careless?

 

Arguably, people do care; our society, in all its love for neat boxes and its need to define, distinguish, reward and dismiss, certainly creates a world in which, as individuals, it is easy to feel crushed by expectations -whether real or perceived. And even easier as women, to regularly attempt (and fail) to measure up to unattainable standards.

 
H&M blouse - Zara skirt (similar here and here) and bag (similar here) - Massimo Dutti shoes

H&M blouse - Zara skirt (similar here and here) and bag (similar here) - Massimo Dutti shoes

So why do we do it? Why is it that not caring makes us feel like we are being careless? Why are we willing to compromise or alter ourselves in the name of set standards, rather than risk not fitting in?

The short answer is probably that, as inherently social beings, we are wired not to function in a vacuum. The somewhat longer one might be that society maintains the illusion that social acceptance hinges on wealth and beauty and with that, that success is only real in its most capitalistic form. This results in our inner need to adhere to perceived standards whilst attempting to tick all the "right" boxes along the way.

The notion that any form of deviance -meant here in the most neutral sense of the term- will be frowned upon, keeps us in our functional straightjacket. In turn, the question "but what will people think", (metal clasp at the back of said straightjacket) often dictates our movements or lack thereof and restricts our decisions. 

Zara bag - Massimo Dutti shoes

Zara bag - Massimo Dutti shoes

So what happens when you decide to say to hell with it, and choose to simply not give a fuck. Books have been written about it and many more articles still; but honestly, I'm not entirely sure.

On a personal level, minor attempts at caring less have provided a sense of mischief at times and even freedom on a good day. But the feeling only lasts so long as I am impervious to all else. As soon as the little self critical voice resurfaces, I often end up right back where I started. 

What I have come to find is that there is no perfect formula for weighing the right proportion of caring vs. not giving a fuck in any given situation. But when it comes to yourself, your appearance and self-worth, always remember that they are not and should not be tied to others' opinion. Because, ultimately, the only person worth pleasing, is you.